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Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Drowning: My Journey Through Depression - Part 4



Welcome!  I am glad you are here!  I am sharing a series about my experience with depression and anxiety.  Feel free to catch up with the first three parts of the series:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

When I awoke from my hibernation through the month of May, summer was upon us and it was full of doctor and counseling appointments.  More prescriptions than I care to count were filled, to match my growing list of ailments.

I began a series of psychological tests to determine if I had Attention Deficit Disorder, as well as Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  I still rarely left the house and spent a lot of my time alone.  As so often happens, prescriptions meant to treat one issue would cause a complete and different issue.  I was on a roller coaster of emotions and energy levels, which nearly drove myself and my husband over the edge.  I went from sleeping the entire month of May, to rising at the crack of dawn in June, full of so much nervous energy that I couldn't sit still.


I was living a nightmare.  It was uncomfortable to be in my own skin.  Despite trying to explain to others what I was going through, I felt no one understood, and many I am quite certain, thought I was just making it up or faking it, and I should just snap out of it.  I was drowning.

When school began in the fall, I was relieved knowing that during my leave of absence, I would have time to heal.  I knew taking the year off was the right thing to do, as I was still no closer to feeling much better.  I was eager to have the house to myself again, with all the quiet I could take in.

I had high hopes of spending time healing through some of my hobbies, but I just did not have the motivation or concentration to get much done.  I did a lot of reading to escape my restless mind.  The months slowly passed and I was doing all I could to just hang on.

As spring arrived, I finally felt up to doing a little more and I began writing out scriptures everyday and spent time reading some devotional books.  By this time my anxiety had succumbed quite a bit and I was able to finally head back to church.  My soul was nourished deeply by the worship each week, so I created a playlist of songs we sang at church and other music that was uplifting to me.  I began a practice of singing my heart out with that worship music in the middle of my kitchen.

And slowly, every so slowly, the darkness began to fade, just enough for me to know that My King was beginning to clear away the cobwebs of my mind.

During this time, I had also reached out to my blogging friend Susan and asked her to be praying for me.  (If you don't know her, you really should!!)  We had long "chat" conversations on Facebook.  She spoke amazing truth and wisdom into my life.  I literally cried out my heart to her.  She was so kind and so gracious to me.  Through one of our conversations I mentioned that I was looking for a place that I could take a Prayer Retreat, all by myself to spend a week praying and calling on My Savior to lift me out of this mess.  And my dear, dear internet friend asked me to come to her house in North Carolina.  Her husband would be gone a week in May.  She works from home, so I could have the rest of the house to myself to do whatever I wanted or needed.  It was good that our conversation was online, because at this point I was bawling my eyes out.  I felt God's goodness shine down on me that day.  It would be a long drive by myself....10 hours....but I knew that this conversation and Susan's lovely offer was God ordained, so He would get me there!!

But through our long conversations, Susan had convinced me that there was something I needed to do right away.  I had been thinking about it, but was a bit shy to ask.....but Susan convinced me....it was time.


Join me next Wednesday for Part 5 of the series, Drowning: My Journey Through Depression.



Linking up today:

  Woman to Woman Ministries/

Women With Intention Wednesdays




12 comments:

  1. This is so powerful and since I am suffering from anxiety myself right now your words are needed. I cannot imagine feeling quite as desperate as you but I have had moments when I do. Luckily they have not been prolonged but what you are going through is real and your journey will help many others. Praying as you share your heart and journey with God through this.

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    1. Mary, our home is open for you any.time. Just private message me. Right now the guestroom is occupied with "StuckinIndiana" but she'll be heading home soon!

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    2. Thanks Mary. We are all on a journey with the Lord, and I pray He gives you all you need to CONQUER your anxiety!!!

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  2. I love you so much, Cherie. You are a BRAVE and COURAGEOUS Daughter of The King, with sword in hand. And, you know you can come back here ANY TIME you wish. xoxo

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    1. Susan, the next time I visit, we are going to have LOTS more fun!! No more rainy days and tears!!! Let's invite your girlfriends too, cause they are a hoot and I loved spending time with them!

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  3. Oh Cherie, I wait every week for the next installment in this series. I am so thankful the Lord put Susan in your life as part of our healing process. Can't wait to read next week's post.

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    1. Susan was a complete GOD gift to me!!! My trip to her home was the turning point in this saga and I can't wait to share!!

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  4. I only just joined in reading about your journey last week but it has been so encouraging and awesome to see God work in your life. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Ashely, thank you for reading! I hope you will come back next week so you can read the TRIUMPHANT part of the story!!

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  5. Thank you so much, Cherie, for your willingness to share your story. I have struggled with anxiety my entire life, but I experienced a particularly rough patch a few weeks ago. Your story reminded me that I am not alone for I am surrounded by women who have experienced and survived an anxiety disorder. Thank you for offering me comfort and hope! I pray that your depression and anxiety will never again keep you from feeling the love and grace of God.

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  6. I have been eagerly reading each installment of this series also! Thank you for being open and honest with your struggles. My daughter has been through deep struggles with Anxiety, and I know how desperate the feelings can get. Thank God for HIS GRACE that helps to find the path through the wilderness. I am so grateful for His Help in my own struggles with anxiety that come as a result of the Chronic Illnesses I have. What a blessing to walk with Jesus through the trials.

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  7. Love this post! I will catch up and read the other ones - for sure!! I struggle with anxiety and depression. My connection with friends has been a life saver!! Praying for you!!

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