Wednesday, February 1, 2017
Drowning: My Journey Through Depression - Part 2
Part 1 here.
At the other end of the phone, my friend asked, "Cherie, what do you think? You aren't saying much."
My husband replied to her, "She really can't talk right now."
He was right. I was so overcome by their most generous offer of an all expense paid trip to Cancun that I was literally sobbing. They wanted to bless someone in need with their tax return money. Humbled was beyond our feelings at the time, for we knew this was easily money they could have spent on their own family.
So I just sat and listened as they continued hammering out the details. Our friends would plan it all, choose the resort, right down to the hotel stay before flying out. We would go the week of Spring Break. This was beyond our wildest imaginations, and was a trip we knew we would never be able to afford on our own.
Then as the phone call ended and we sat in awe of God's goodness and of what had just transpired, we heard crying from the living room. We both got up and went and asked what was wrong. Before we could even get that question out, our daughter began yelling at us, distraught with the news that we would be going to Cancun without her. She had overheard our conversation on the phone. The more she cried and explained why she was so angry, the more angry I became. I couldn't believe that after watching all that I had been through in the last months, that she would be so consumed with jealousy, in spite of the fact that she was already scheduled to be a part of her own mission trip scheduled for that same week!
It was the last thing I could handle. I was emptied out, right then and there.
I dropped to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably at all that was transpiring before me. The most unbelievable gift that I had ever received was being tainted by my teenager who just didn't understand how we could do this to her.
My strong, devoted husband was torn in half that night, trying to comfort and console the two of us. For over an hour he raced between us, trying to comfort and talk reason into both of us. I was so angry I couldn't even be in the same room with her.
The tension in our house was thick for weeks. We did everything we could to avoid talking about the trip, for it brought up the same response in her each and every time. We had to hide our excitement and plans for the trip, and kept our conversations to ourselves behind closed doors.
The thought of getting to Cancun, to sun and warmth and rest was all that kept me going through the rest of February and March.
And it was amazing. Like nothing I have ever experienced before.
It was a spectacular week and we were all hoping and praying that this was the shift that I needed to get back on my feet, to chase the depression away.
But it was not to be......
Please join me next Wednesday for Part 3 of this series.
The retelling of this story is heart wrenching for me. I want you to know that my daughter is not the selfish teenager that I reported here. (Oh how I love and adore that girl) The events that happened on this evening several years ago were twisted and manipulated in an ugly and evil manner that only Satan could have orchestrated. I know that now. I see that clearly from this vantage point. But at the time, wrapped up in so much emotional garbage and anxiety, all I could see and feel was pain. Our family was in turmoil. Please know that while sharing this story was unflattering to the both of us, it was a huge part of my fight with darkness that must be told. To God be the Glory.