Monday Memories is a look back at some former posts. This entry was from 2010 and I am so happy to see the way God has changed me! He is faithful!
Being who God made me to be has been a lifelong journey. In the summer of 2007 I had another deep struggle with depression. For anyone who has been through that before, you know of the darkness found there. As I looked deep within myself to determine what had taken me to that dark place once again, I discovered that I was allowing the world to shape me, not God. I was seeing myself through the world's eyes and not as God sees me. It was a huge revelation to me, as I saw that I worried and tarried over what others thought of me. So much so, that it guided my conversations, and I talked with people based on what I thought they wanted to hear. It is very difficult to explain, but I was not in a good place.
But this time my depression was different. I knew this time He was doing an incredible work in me, purging my heart, and shaping me into something, someone different. Now three years later, that lesson remains fresh in my mind. I continue to grow in this area and sometimes catch myself as I realize just how very different I have become since that summer. God continues to set me free from this people pleasing obsession. I feel far more comfortable just being myself and not worrying about how others perceive me. It had once been almost debilitating for me.
So who is God making me to be? I don't know yet. But as Joyce Meyer says, "You will never sense fulfillment in life unless you reach the goal of being yourself." I've been working on that the last couple of years. Through it all, I remind myself quite often that no matter what happens in my life, I am living only for an Audience of One, My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. That is true freedom.