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Monday, February 13, 2012

Sharing Our Grief Can Help


I was sitting in a room with over 200 other women waiting for the conference speaker to take her place on stage.  Along with those around me, I settled into my seat, ready with my pen and paper for anything that was note worthy.  I grabbed a kleenex out of my bag, just in case.  I knew the speaker had a difficult testimony to share, and I wanted to be prepared for the emotions that may creep up without any notice.

As she began her presentation, it was only minutes when I needed to reach for that kleenex.  She'd lost a baby just a few short hours after she was born.  It was more than any momma's heart should have to bare. After sharing her story, she did the unexpected.  She asked women to stand if they had ever suffered a miscarriage, a still birth, or lost a newborn baby.  I hesitated only a moment before moving to my feet, chin quivering and tears rolling down my cheeks.  I couldn't bring myself to turn around to see how many were standing, but I could tell by the rustle of chairs and see from my peripheral vision that over half the audience was standing in still silence.

As those who stood took their seats again, I had to leave the room.  The unexpected stirring and longing in my heart was so strong, I was sure it would overtake me. I hurried to my hotel room where I could release the pressure to my throat and chest, and grieve my losses with an ugly gut retching cry as if my two babes were lost just yesterday.

Grief seems to abide by no time-table.  Whether a loss is suffered weeks or years ago makes no difference.  We all feel the void in our hearts and in our lives when someone is missing. 

We do our best to manage the grief, as our human minds are incapable of understanding why these things happen.  God's sovereignty is far above our ability to grasp His plan.  But He does offer us comfort.  Through many hardships I have faced, I always fall back to 2 Corinthians 1:3:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

Though I don't understand God's plan in miscarriage,  premature death,  cancer, or depression, I do know that he has commanded me to comfort others who are experiencing the same things that I have endured.  I am to share the comfort I received from God with others.

Sisters, your heartache is real.  But can I encourage you to share it with others?  Talking it out can also be very therapeutic in itself.  Part of sisterhood is not only sharing the good times of celebration but also sharing the hard times of grief and loss.  This allows others to pray for you, comfort you, and love on you.  Sometimes it even gives more meaning to their own loss, as they carry out God's command to "love one another". 

YOU are not alone.

Sweet Jesus, you are our Great Physician who can heal all our wounds, both physical and emotional. Please come lay your hand of healing on any grieving mother who visits here today. May she experience your peace that passes understanding. Amen.

12 comments:

  1. Wonderful post friend. As you know, I struggled deeply with allowing the greater blogging community in when we had our miscarriage last fall. Was this a somehow holy event that shouldn't be shared publicaly? But I'm so glad I did. Within about 24 hours I had around 300 emails from bloggers and readers all hoping to offer me comfort in some way. And I needed it. I cried as I read their stories and gleaned comfort from their comfort. And I was BLOWN AWAY by the sheer amount of women I know personally who had suffered a miscarriage. 1 in 6 is just a number until those numbers become real women. Thank you for sharing this today/

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    1. Brooke, I knew how hard it was for you, and I grieved with you! We all have to share in our own time, and I am so happy that our blogging community loved on you through it all! This is certainly one of the hardest areas to give over to God and trust in his Sovereignty. Love you sweet friend!!

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  2. This is so beautiful and sensitive.
    When I was young between my first born and my second it was questioned whether I miscarried another. In my heart I felt I did but back then they did not have modern ways to know, so it was just 'not spoke of again'. It was early before 3 months and it was not confirmed through medical 'tests' but a mom's heart is always there to question.
    Only God knows.
    Our son and his wife lost a 'first also'... I call it our 'angel baby'.

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    1. Lost babes are most certainly our Angel Babies! I've always been comforted knowing I will meet them in heaven!

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  3. So touching to share these special times in our lives. Brought tears to my eyes even after 40+ years of losing a little one also, Cherie's brother or sister! Plus sharing Cherie's grief. Is this hereditary??

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  4. Great post. I dont know why regular women are so scared to share their testimony?

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  5. Wonderful words friend. I remember when you came up to me after and I felt bad - it had been a year for me and you said "you will never get over it". My heart hurt for you and what you were not (at that time) willing to share.

    Thankful daily for the hope of heaven !

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    1. Sometimes it is not only the great things in life that we share, but the heartache as well. I knew your pain, but I knew at the time that we just didn't have the time or the privacy to hammer it all out together. {Though I sure wish we had!} Just never enough time at those conferences!

      Love you sister!!

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  6. This was so wonderful to read. As you know I faced the loss of my dear daughter when she was only 9 years old, I have shared my grief with the blogging community and to be honest at the time it happened it was people like yourself who helped me survive it. Your uplifting words your sharing of scripture entered my heart and helped ease the pain. I credit you all for being one of the reasons I found my faith again, God used you in my life, your words to my heart.

    Yet three years on, many people have commented that maybe I shouldn't mention Livvy anymore, shouldn't mention my grief and I worst comment "should be over it".

    Can you ever be over it, I don't think so the moment you know you are expecting that child has a part of your heart. Your dreams began to grow for them.

    I love that your speaker addressed the pain of grief and that others open their hearts.


    And if I haven't said it before, thank you for your support during the worst time of my life, you may not realise it but you were one of a few who saved me.

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  7. I'm so proud of my daughter and her ministry here and the way God is using her to touch the lives of her blogging friends.
    May God be praised.

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  8. *hugs*
    I would have been standing beside you, even if from across the room, and I think the grief would have done exactly the same thing.
    I am always shocked at how raw it is in some moments, when in others it as if the healing is complete.
    Thank you for this.

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