I knew I was in trouble.
The overwhelming feeling of just wanting to be home was about to overtake me. I couldn't get there fast enough, to the safety of my own living room. Warning signals went off in my head; anxiety.
It's an unidentified nervousness that overtakes me without warning. My stomach is in my throat, and my skin crawls as if bugs are under the first layer of skin. It's frightening, it's scary, it's maddening.
I got home and headed straight to the couch with a blanket and my husband. My legs shake with overactive nerves, it's hard to relax; I can't get close enough to him to soak up the safety within his strong body. I'm ready for bed by 9 pm, knowing that sleep will be the best combatant to ease the tension away, to escape and hopefully, to wake to a brand new day.
I awake the next morning; it's Sunday. As soon as my eyes open, my mind begins to go over a check list, examining every symptom. Physically I appear to be fine, but my mind is wrapped in fear and apprehension. It's hard to let go of the "what if's". I arise earlier than usual, wanting time to sit quietly and pour over my bible before getting ready for church. I'm searching for the armor that will sustain me for the day. As I so often do, I turn to one of my favorite passages to comfort and encourage my soul, Colossians 1:10-14, and I am again greeted with words that give life, words that embolden courage:
worthy of the Lord knowledge of God strengthened with all power
endurance and patience glorious might joyfully giving thanks
redemption inheritance of the saints kingdom of light
forgiveness of sins rescued
I read it over and over again, soaking it in, as deep as it will go. As my bible lie open on my lap the opposing page is steeped in underlines and highlights. I glance over to see what scripture I had felt connection to, for that is why I mark in my bible, to remember the connection. I see Philippians 4:6. Irony is not something that lives hand-in-hand when living the faith. So I don't take lightly that God is reminding me to put this verse into practice, right at this very moment.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
I sigh deeply, knowing this is not merely a suggestion by my Lord, but a command. How can He work in me and through me if I do not bring everything to Him? So I lay it all out before Him, surrendering those worries, concerns, and anxieties. I whisper thanksgivings, ready to enter into worship at church in the coming hours.
His presence is felt, ever near, surrounding me with peace. I sing out in my loudest song, How Great Is Our God. Tears stream down my face, as I continue laying those concerns at His feet during worship.
And He gently reminds me of this: HE. IS. IN. ME. I cannot hide, I cannot escape, He never leaves, He never alludes.
I take my seat next to my husband while our Pastor takes the stage. And my soul is restful.
Today is my first post over at Sisters in Bloom. I hope you'll join me there today talking about online friendships.