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Monday, May 3, 2010

The 5 Love Languages - Quality Time

The second love language in our study of Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages is Quality Time.  This sounds simple, right?  Not so fast!  Giving quality time means giving your undivided attention. For some, that means without TV, without kids, one-on-one conversation.  There are many different levels of quality time, and it may take some time to find the right balance for your loved one.

Quality time also means quality conversation.  For some, this is especially hard if this is not their love language.  But like all the other languages, if it isn't yours, it may require some extra work to be able to communicate in this foreign language for you.  But your spouse is worth it!!  Remember that conversation is both listening and sharing.  Some people may only be good at one of those!  Sometimes men may need to be reminded that just because his wife is sharing about difficult situations at work, it doesn't mean that she expects him to fix it, it means she wants to be able to talk it out and share her frustrations with him in a meaningful way.  She may need to be specific with him that he doesn't need to offer advice, but just listen and be sympathetic.

Quality activities will also act as a great way to show your love for one another.  Finding activities that you both enjoy and can participate in together will grow your relationship.  But it may also mean that one spouse needs to "learn" to participate in activities that may not necessarily be their favorite.  I can guarantee that a husband would love nothing more to take his wife to a basketball game with a team he loves and explain the game to her.  Who knows, she may end up loving it as much as he does!  There are plenty of activities you can do together where no one will feel out of their element:  taking walks, bike rides, concerts, picnics, etc.  Both spouses need to be willing to try new experiences.

Real Life

This is an area in which I have had to grow.  I can tend to get busy with many hobbies and outside activities, and forget that my husband needs my time as well.  I'll let The Hubs share more:

Husband here again!  Quality time continues to be an important love language for my wife to share with me.  Oddly enough this was something I had to encourage in her early on in our marriage.  In our first few years, I worked outside the home and my wife didn't work full time.  What she did do was sell Creative Memories back when that was taking off and was gone quite a bit doing parties.  And when she wasn't gone, she was scrapbooking!  I know none of you would ever let a little hobby like scrapbooking impact your family :) but it was something I encountered.  To make quality time with my spouse, I actually scrapbooked with her.  (the reason I refer to myself solely as Husband.....)

But seeing how I couldn't talk about my fondness of scrapbooking with the boys at work, I felt it would be better to actually share with my wife regarding my need to have the time to talk, listen, empathize, and find other things to do together.  So she did listen, she did respond appropriately, and it did improve our marriage.  Now she no longer sells Creative Memories, has more free time in the evenings and I have discovered poker so now the situation is a bit reversed.  We all need to realize that the work of making quality time with one another is a marriage long process that does pay big dividends in the end.  (Though it would still be great if she played poker......)

I never know what he is going to write!!  Thanks Hubby, for sharing with us! He's awesome!


Children

For your children, picking out who has a love language of quality time is usually pretty easy.  This is the child who wants your undivided attention to play a game, read with you, do a craft together, go to lunch with just you!  Often if your child is not getting the quality attention they need, they may act out in inappropriate ways because it still gets them attention, it just happens to be of the negative type.  Giving the love language of quality time to this child will pay off 100%.  They will thrive!

Come back and join us again tomorrow.  We'll be discussing the third love language,  Receiving Gifts.

2 comments:

  1. I am a quality time gal for sure. If my husband is just sitting next to me, talking, that's all it takes. Some nights we seem so far away from one another and so not on the same page. I have at least 2 children that are quality time kiddos!

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  2. Wow! Okay this one is me! I would rather be with him then him playing a video game on xbox and me on the computer.... hmmmm... I guess I need to change some things! :)

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