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Thursday, May 6, 2010

The 5 Love Languages - Physical Touch

We have made it to our final love language, physical touch.  The post I have dreaded writing all week!  This is my husband's primary language, and oh do I struggle with it! (This is where I have to hold myself accountable!

Right here at the start, it is important to note that the physical touch love language does not mean that sex is the only way to fulfill this need.  For those who have this love language, their love tank is filled by sweet caresses, holding hands, hugs, a touch to the face, and of course, sex. 

Many studies have shown the benefits of physical touch to everyone.  Babies are known to thrive under the consistent physical touch conditions.  And those neglected, held less, and never cuddled suffer in many ways.  The ramifications can last a lifetime.  Many people brought their children to Jesus for him to lay his hands on them as a blessing.  When Jesus healed the sick and the lame, he usually touched them in some way.  Touch is a powerful conductor of love.

Real Life

Yes, I fail miserably as a wife in this department sometimes....ok...a lot.  Husband and I are very physical with each other most of the time. We love hugs, hold hands quite frequently, reach out just to touch the others face or hand, sit close together on the couch watching TV, etc.  Our friends even make fun of us!  We still hear the "get a room" comment! But honestly, where I fail, is the quantity of intimacy.  By 10 pm every night, I am exhausted!  I know you can relate.  And I just don't have the need or the drive that he does in this area.  I continue working on getting better at this.

It is so important to remember that aside from the strong desire a normal man has in this area, when you add their physical touch love language to it, things can get a little intense!  But I have to remind myself that he doesn't stop showing me my love language just because he is tired, and neither should I.

And now, sheepishly I hand the computer over to Husband to hear what he has to say about this subject.  Needless to say, I am a little worried about what he will write.  But I haven't censored him so far this week, so I promise I won't start now!!

Husband here.  Yes, Physical Touch Good.  Me Like it.  

I write like this because sometimes I feel a bit self conscious how important it is to me.  Like a caveman.  I do love to be close to Wife.  Quite a bit of the time.  It just makes everything seem a bit more OK.  Just holding one another helps us keep perspective about what matters and what really doesn't.  And the intimacy of closeness helps makes it easier to be intimate emotionally and spiritually as well.  And it just feel great!

But it was very helpful to have my feelings validated by the 5 Love Languages book and how beneficial it is to show love and to be loved in this manner.  Our kids have learned how important it is as well and often want to snuggle and be close.  Saturday morning often involves the "Bear Cave" when all who are home get in Mom and Pop's bed and just be a Bear Family.  Occasionally we even get to eat fish in the Bear Cave.  OK - Slices of bread shaped like fish but still....the most important component of it is the snuggling and the closeness.  Many of the best conversations we have had with the kids have started by sitting close and snuggling first so they first feel safe physically so they can feel safe sharing their feelings.

So let's hear it for Physical Touch.  Great for the marriage.  Great for making any day a bit better.  And the wife is doing great here.  All of her concerns are not justified and her being close is never taken for granted.   Woo Hoo!

Wow...I gave him an open door to tell the world how selfish I am sometimes, and he didn't take the opportunity.  Hmm...he must love me an awful lot!  What a great guy.  I am so thankful that Husband joined me on this journey for the week.  It was good for us to review this book again.  It provided some healthy reminders and some great discussions.

I want to wrap up our week by saying that although you will have one very distinctive love language, if you pay attention to all of them, sprinkling them throughout your marriage, you will both be very happy people!  Don't neglect the other languages just to focus on the top one.  Your spouse will still benefit from receiving little bits of his second and third language as well.

I can't stress enough how important it is to TALK ABOUT IT!  I know this is hard for some of you, but it is so imperative to keeping your marriage healthy.

If you still want to learn more, be sure to visit Dr Chapman's website for so much more information on this book and many other great books he has written.

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